Lessons From My Mother

As children and especially teenagers, how many times did you say "I will be nothing like my parents." Then, the unthinkable happens, and one day we turn to our own children, and hear the voice our parents' spew forth.

I hear myself say things I heard my mother say, feel my face conform into the same faces she would make, especially her "concentration" face. Unlike the rationale of my adolescence, as a parent today I'm happy I carry the lessons of my mother with me, and try to pass them on to my children, although the context has changed.

And of all the lessons my mother passed down to me, that has likely been the most important. The lesson of context. Knowing that context changes, and individual's reality is shifted and manipulated by the context in which they see others and the world.

As a young girl, grade school can be a scary place. A little chubby and a little too scholarly, I had a hard time carving my own path and even harder yet, owning that path. Whenever I would come home, full of tears and self-condemnation, my mother would always remind me that we never knew what that person's context was. Maybe her words for teaching the lesson were different at the time, but it was the same lesson nonetheless. She didn't believe that people wanted to be mean. There was meanness, to be sure, and evil too, but it was imperative that before I leap to make rash judgments of those around me, especially those I felt victimized by, I needed to reflect on their side. Try to stand for a moment in their shoes.

I look back today, and know that I carried that lesson with me all through childhood and into adulthood, and it has completely shaped the person I am today, in nearly every aspect of my life.

Read between the lines. You never know what happens behind closed doors. People that are mean to others most often really hate themselves the most.

All of these mantras I still echo in my mind today. When I remember children that taunted me through school, I wonder if their fathers were cruel. When I remember being called fat, I wonder now if that girl's toilet was her best friend. When I see a man on TV beating someone he sees as smaller or weaker than he, I wonder and think of the trauma that he must have endured to become this way. Though this isn't always the case, too often it is, and too often we forget, symptoms are the clue to deeper problems.

My religion has changed through context. I read between the lines. I know my own heart enough today to know what I believe in and what I don't. I know who wrote what and where it originated from and why. From there I can make my deductions more studiously.

My ethics have changed through context. I try to never forget what may have come to pass that has placed people in the positions they are in, be it positive or not. So, I am constantly trying to find the root issue at problems. Looking beyond the face of the matter at hand and past it, studying the philosophy and psychology of the situation. Sometimes this can lead to over-analyzation to be sure, and then I remember that there is always a happy medium to strive for. For example, I believe that "the unexamined life is not worth living," but I acknowledge also that if one spends all of their time in examination they will forget to live.

My politics have changed through context. I know that there are biases to be had and one of the most effective ways to overcome said bias is to educate myself through as many different sources as possible. Once I see several different sides, I can make more sound deductions. When I look at my prospective leaders, I do not just look at the words they say, but at the context in which they speak them. What are the biases they have behind their own perspectives? Where did they grow up? What kind of people do they surround themselves with today? When I look at legislation, I find out what the context was in which it was founded, and in what context does it apply today?

Context. Situation. Perspective. All of these things mold our own personal realities of the world. To approach life as an apperceptive being is against the very nature of our humanity, of what puts us at the top of the food chain.

I have to thank my mother for teaching me this lesson. It was not something I had to learn the hard way through hardships of my own. Sadly, for many people, they only discover empathy when they themselves have walked through fire.

"...but all experience must be related back to and derives its validity from the conditions and context of consciousness in which it arises, i.e., the totality of our nature." -Wilhelm Dilthey

In other words, all things are relative, especially context. Thank you Mom.


-EMarie83-

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