From an anonymous friend-To our girls, the teens, and the inbetweens.

A letter to young women,

It is my belief that teen pregnancy isn't mainly caused by "accidents". Not only from my experience but also from my friends and family, I have learned, as women we have a desire to become pregnant at a young age for many different reasons. I remember being 16, with my boyfriend (now husband) and I would occasionally *forget* to take my pill. Actually, I would *forget* to take my pill pretty often. I would take trips to planned parenthood to get pregnancy tests, telling my friends and boyfriend, "I hope I'm not pregnant". But when that test came back negative, there would be a part of me that was disappointed. I see it all the time that my friends or even my own sister will often say things like, "I think I might be pregnant. I missed a pill last month." Or ask me questions like, "Did you still get your period in your first month of being pregnant?", followed by how they hope they aren't pregnant. I would believe they didn't want to be pregnant if they didn't do this every other month and if I, myself didn't play that game as well… I am very ashamed to admit that.

There are many different reasons for why this happens and it's mostly about how we view ourselves, our relationships and our lifestyles. For me, I was pretty bored, didn't have friends and didn't get much attention from my family or my boyfriend; plus, I always wanted to be a mom. I would see pregnant girls and admire them. They get to have the baby bump, go shopping for their baby, talk about becoming a mom with others, and soon have a newborn baby to take care of and love. I knew if I had a baby, I would have a purpose and my life would feel full. I would think that only stupid, irresponsible girls couldn't handle being moms. I had a responsible and loving boyfriend and I knew he would take care of me if I were to get pregnant. I would hear the phrase, "A baby changes everything" and get excited rather than discouraged. I knew it would change everything and that's what I wanted!

Luckily, I did not become a teen mom, even after all of that. In fact, I married my boyfriend and he is the only one I've ever slept with. We were very young when we got married; I was 18 and he was 19. About a year after being married, I thought to myself, "Ok, you're married, you have health insurance, a home, and you are financially stable. That's plenty reason to have a baby." I talked to my husband and he agreed to start trying. Incredibly, I went off birth control for a month and found out I was pregnant on my 20th birthday. I was thrilled!

Fast forward to today, almost 6 years later….

I have 2 daughters, one 5 and the other 3. My husband and I are still married, we have 2 cars, own a home and we are financially stable. I even own my own business I run from home so I can be with my girls all day. My husband is in the military so we are very financially secure. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? For the most part it is! It's exactly what I pictured when I was that 16 year old girl. "So what's the issue", you ask? Well, let me start with, my husband didn't actually want to get married and have kids. He feels he was pressured into it all. When he found out I was pregnant with my first daughter, he said, "Huh, didn't think it would happen that fast." He found himself frustrated when I would get sick during both of my pregnancies and react negatively towards me. Sex dissipated during my second pregnancy due to being tired and taking care of a toddler which also made our marriage unbearable at the time… he even talked about leaving me. Worse, he doesn't want to spend time as a family and has hardly bonded with my youngest since the day she was born. He has admittedly said he regrets getting married and having kids. He recently got a vasectomy because he doesn't want anymore children, even though I would want nothing more than to have another one. Now he is dealing with the idea of never "sowing his wild oats" and is thinking of leaving me. There goes our wonderful life and the future I had planned.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Let me go back to being a new mom at 20 years old. I had figured, because I was married, my pregnancy would be completely accepted by everyone around me. In reality, my family was disappointed in me and my friends didn't understand. People at my work and people I didn't know would treat me as if I was an unmarried teenager who got pregnant on accident. In one instance, my co-worker came up to me and said, "I think it's a really great thing that you are having your baby." At first I didn't understand what she meant, but then realized she thought my baby was an accident. It just got worse after having my daughter. Other moms would treat me differently because they were 5, 10, 15 years older than I was. They would talk to me as if I didn't know what I was doing, when in fact I was the over prepared mom who read everything that could be read about pregnancy and infant care. I was a bit jealous of them because they had waited to have their babies. They worked hard before hand, were educated, had big beautiful weddings, had gone on trips with their husbands, had big houses and cars, dressed nice, and their babies had everything they would ever need. Most of all, they had husbands that were ready and happy to have a baby. When I would meet new people, it was difficult for me to tell them I had children because their first reaction was always, "You're too young to have kids!" Not the best feeling in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my daughters for the entire universe!! I just wish I had waited another 5 years before having them. Sadly, I know my husband and I wouldn't be together if we hadn't had the girls to keep us striving to make it work. The only peace I have is knowing it's all a part of God's plan and it is all making me a better person in the long run. I now have the experience and wisdom to talk to other young women about waiting for marriage and parenthood. Being pregnant and having a baby is a wonderful thing, but just imagine how much more wonderful it will be when you have a husband who is also ready to have kids and you have everything you would need to provide for your children! You will be able to jump into it, completely ready and no reason to regret it. It will be an experience you can enjoy to it's fullest! Lastly, take a moment to think, "If this woman has a husband who was responsible, loved her and said he wanted to have a family, then turned against her; what will happen to me if I have a baby with someone I'm not married to, who is not responsible and doesn't want a baby?" Let me tell you, he will be gone faster than you can say, "I'm pregnant". Don't let yourself or your children become someone else's regret and burden. You are worth so much more than that!

Please, if you find yourself wanting a baby at a young age, talk to someone and ask yourself what it is you are missing from your life. A baby shouldn't come into this world just because you had a hole that only a baby can fill. A baby should be born because it is an extension of your family and you are more than prepared to give them the best life ever! Love is not enough to care for your baby and be a good parent. I know because I had all the love in the world and it hasn't been enough… I can't love them enough to replace my husband's regret. A baby is not going to make a man love you the way you want. A baby is going to take more attention from you than it will give. Being a mom is not glamourous. No matter how much time you spend on your hair and make-up, or how much you spend on clothes and stylish diaper bags, you will always be viewed as "a woman with kids" by any man, including your husband. Don't let those things ruin your life and I beg you not to allow those things to ruin the lives of your children! They deserve so much more! A good mother is one who will put her children before herself in any situation… this can be done long before they are born. Take care of your body, prepare your marriage to be strong, work hard, save money and enjoy being a young woman!! Then you will be the happy mom you will need to be in order to be a great parent for your kids.

Please take this to heart and let your future be bright!

Love,

A Young Momma

All We Really Need...

It is one of the most difficult things to compromise: our needs vs. our wants. Big and small, they seem to overlap, over-extend, or outweigh one from the other.

When looking at the big scheme of things, I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to make every single moment count. I want to live big and grand and take chances. At the same time, it is necessary to take a step back, to slow down, to make plans for the future. As a matter of consequence, being able to live every moment as though it were your last does not always accommodate for what is required in pursuing a more long term goal.

In personal relationships it is much the same. Saying or doing anything and everything that flutters through one's mind is not always recommended if one wishes to sustain said relationship. One often has to step back and reassess what is important. Be it friends, family, or lovers, all are subject to the same rules of thumb.

My father tried to explain to me at an early age that it was of the utmost importance that I learn how to stand on my own two feet. He encouraged me to follow my dreams, demanded I pursue an education and wanted me to enable myself to be as independent as possible. Did I listen? Of course not. I was young and full of love and whimsy and was certain I knew better. In the long run, what do I wish I had done? Listened to daddy.

Today I'm still trying to accomplish these things I set out to do over 10 years ago. To finalize my independence and discover myself and be reliant only unto myself. And still, because I am one of the lucky ones who has always had a loved one to lean on, I find myself falling back into old patterns, and allow those who dare to help me to continue to do so. Sometimes its okay. Sometimes its not.

I want support. I need to learn how to do it on my own. Its a tough call. There are some matters that lay outside the realm of my control in many respects, where I have had to rely on those people in my life to pick up the slack. In lieu of that, I try my very best to do the same for others whenever and however I can. But in all honesty, I'm not always as steadfast as I should be in forcing myself to maintain control of my own life.

I want to continue to work towards my dreams. I need to solidify my current situation. I have to make sure that my day to day life is provided for, no matter how much I wish to pursue other goals for the future. Somewhere, I hope to find that happy medium.

Somewhere between being a romantic and idealist, I must be a realist and not codependent on those around me to sustain my happiness. My life is my own, and taking control of it is a lesson I continue to learn in the hardest of ways.

I'm a woman and a mother. I want to take care of people. I want to be taken care of. But all any of us really need, is people around us that believe in us enough to remind us we can take care of ourselves. “Surround yourself with people who believe in you.” ~ Brian Koslow

Its funny to think, at nearly thirty, I'm still laughing at myself and saying, “I should have listened to my daddy.”

In Thanks...

When we’ve had all that we can take…when we are sure we are about to break…what do we do?

When we have kids to protect, and homes and jobs to manage, and the hits just keep on coming...what do we do?

We can wallow. We can kick and scream. We can pray. We can stand tall, and act like nothing affects us at all.

When the shit really hits the fan, and you find yourself staring at the void of rock bottom, scared you’re about to fall in, it can feel as though there is no recourse. That you have been hit with too much. That everything just flat out sucks and there is nothing to be done for it. But, we would be wrong.

If we are lucky…we can lean. Lean on our friends and our family – those that care and love us, and are willing to share in the misery.

When I was a teenager, I would fight with my parents about my phone curfew. I refused to tell my friends that they couldn’t call me past a certain time. “What if they need me?” I would argue. Even then, I wouldn’t turn them away. So, my phone consequently rang and rang, long past an hour my father or mother liked.

Today, I’m much the same way. I will drop everything in a moment’s notice and go running. I will show up at your door. But it is not them who have needed me in the past that are lucky to have my friendship. No. I am the lucky one.

I am the lucky one, because I have those that will do the same for me. That will blow up my phone even when I try not to answer. That will show up at my door, without having to be asked. They offer money, or time, or “anything they can do.” But the most precious of them all, is the love that ensues.

They will sit with me. Talk with me. Rock with me. Cry.

The people we love will share in the burden. Misery really does love company. And when we can, we do all we can do to help holster the pain, share in the frustration, and shed some of the weight.

This is what defines family.

Even when we don’t wish to spread the hurt, our family will always bare a portion of the consequences.

Even our kids - the innocents in the turmoil that is an adult life - are unfortunate victims to catastrophes. Some we must admit we are the makers of. Some things we can do nothing to change, but try and do all we can to fix. We try to do all we can to protect them. We wish, above all else, that they will not be affected.

When I had only one child, the notion of protecting him was not quite as scary. I had this vision in my head that if the world came to an end I could hold him in my arms and run to safety.

Now there are three. The prospect of protecting them from the reaches of the outside world is daunting – terrifying to say the least.

I want to keep them safe from harm’s way. I want to keep them unencumbered by pain and torment. I want to shoulder the entire load. But, again, they are family. And family always shares in that burden.

How can I make sure the divorce doesn’t affect them too much? That the transition of being a working mother doesn’t scar them too much? That they won’t notice the house is a little more messy and the cabinets a little more bare?

Their cries when I come home, remind me that I can’t. But I can sit with them. I can talk with them. I can rock with them. I can cry with them. I can share the weight, as they share mine. My family.

So to those I love, and have loved me in return - bound by blood or friendship alone - I thank you for sharing the weight of the world in the struggle to thrive. No level of personal perseverance could strengthen my will to rise above it all as you do. With nothing but the knowledge of that support, I find the courage to fight. With it, there is no losing battle…only lights, at the end of the tunnel.

It's in the Why

I feel a rise
like the changing
of the tides.
My world
is transforming
to reveal a whole
new cunning.
New tales
to be told
of loves lost
and bravery showed.
An honesty
in what
is at stake.
A truth
behind all
we give and take.
I feel a rise
like the lifting
of the sun.
A new veil
of light
revealing all
we've left undone.
There are regrets.
There may be
questions anew.
There will be fights
about how or who.
In the end,
beyond the question
of why,
maybe
we'll decide
to give love
a try.
~EB

A Rhyme for Fools

Oh! If ye do know me
please
tell me
who I am.

I saw
the pieces of me
swallowed
like pebbles
in quick-sand.

I dare not
go in after them.
I know not
what the cost.

It is far easier
if you
can tell me
who I lost.

I'll trust
your eyes,
to let
me see.

Gone
is my integrity.

Self-reflection
is for fools
who think they
know best.

But not
me.
Your money
can buy my
intelligence.

The Changing Seasons of Parenthood

The days bleed from one to the next. Some I can not differentiate. Weeks come in waves, some busy some not so much, but all very much the same.

Then, there are those periods when everyday feels new and exciting. Endorphins are high, motivations are driving me and there seems to be no shortage of energy in completing the multitude of tasks set before me.

And then, there are those moments in time that seem to stand still. One moment your hands are whirring in front of you, chopping, washing, blending, folding - doing it all - and the next instant the earth seems to have stopped spinning. The air freezes around you to enhance this one moment in time. A baby boy with a mischievous grin, trying to climb and jump from the couch. A baby girl swinging from side to side with her new doll in her arms, already loving it...nurturing by instinct. Then later, a squabble, they fight over a toy. But you can't help but think of when that ball will become a set of car keys. And as one finally wins, he runs away grinning in triumph, his trophy high in his hands. Click - mental picture taken. Then there is the oldest...his first day of school. His first day of t-ball. He tussles with his brother and already fights with his sister, who may be giving him a run for the title-holder in stubbornness. He tells me every morning, "It's a nice day."

I worry that I haven't stopped enough. That there aren't enough mental pictures - not enough real pictures - for me to remember. They change faster than the leaves fall...and the days slip by without my approval at all.

The Quest? for Freedom

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ~Declaration of Independence


The bosom of America is open to receive not only the Opulent & respectable Stranger,
but the oppressed & persecuted of all Nations & Religions;
whom we shall wellcome to a participation of all our rights & previleges. ~George Washington, 1783


"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" ~Emma Lazarus (a quote from the plaque on Lady Liberty)


We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. ~Constitution of the United States of America


"That on the first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons, and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom. ~Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation


It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union. And we formed it, not to give the blessings of liberty, but to secure them; not to the half of ourselves and the half of our posterity, but to the whole people--women as well as men. And it is a downright mockery to talk to women of their enjoyment of the blessings of liberty while they are denied the use of the only means of securing them provided by this democratic-republican government--the ballot. ~Susan B. Anthony 1873, on Women's Suffrage


"We look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.... freedom of speech and expression...freedom of every person to worship God in his own way...freedom from want...freedom from fear." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt


When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every tenement and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last." ~Martin Luther King Jr. "I Have a Dream" speech, August 28, 1963


"As Americans, we can take enormous pride in the fact that courage has been inspired by our own struggle for freedom, by the tradition of democratic law secured by our forefathers and enshrined in our Constitution. It is a tradition that says all men are created equal under the law and that no one is above it." ~President Barack Obama

*******************************************************

Freedom brings with it comforts and safeguards like a home provides a haven of security for a family. The walls cannot stand without a solid foundation. The people within cannot breath without a few windows. The doors are preferred when accompanied by locks. (A prison also has a concrete floor with walls, windows and locks.) But a home is a place you can come and go. The door will swing open and shut, allowing us to venture forth into the world. Bringing back with us new ideas, we return to our homes to cook new foods, decorate with new colors and prints, or sing new songs.


Anyone who has been a home-owner knows the first thing you do is make it "you." The thing is, that "you" is constantly evolving. After a time, the drapes look dingy and the paint needs changing. The carpet gets stained and closets need cleaning-out.


Freedom is like this. It changes and evolves with the ever-changing demands of those who seek it. One man's freedom may not prescribe the same things as another's. Still, much in the same way we use the term "God" as an all-encompassing way of referring to a greater power, so too do we utilize the term "freedom." Over time, we have continued to fight for freedom, and though those freedoms sought were different, they were rights we believed were afforded us by our liberties guaranteed to us as a citizen and as a person.


As a people, we have fought for freedom from dictators and tyrants.
We have fought for democracy within our own borders, unfettered by outside rule.
We have fought for equal rights and against racism (a struggle we still battle today).
We have fought for freedom from religious persecution.
We have fought for the right to suffrage and respective representation.
We have fought for the freedom of speech and expression.
We have fought for the right to medical treatment and fair care.
We have fought for the freedoms of children: their safety, health and education.
We even fight the good fight so that others may bask in the glory of American freedom.


But today, what does it mean to be free in America?


Different freedoms incur different choices to be made. Or do different choices, thus bring about new freedoms? It is a revolving door, and truly ever-changing. So much so, that for many, the idea of too many freedoms stimulates a fear of chaos.



As a general rule, people tend to agree that you are no longer free to do as you please when that action will poorly affect another. Thus, we have laws and rules that inflict consequences when another's freedoms have been victimized.


There are other ways in which we constrict our own personal freedoms, outside of due process. Voluntarily, we often-times accept a limited amount of freedoms in return for a service, or in the eyes of a moral or religious value. A person may choose to live in a neighborhood governed by a housing authority so as to ensure that their street is always neat and orderly. And there is still a majority of those who seek religion, which by its very nature, constricts against personal freedoms that are considered tools or paths to corruption, and criminal or immoral behavior (which can be a wonderful thing, and is for many quite necessary).


We accept laws and vote for more that we hope will guarantee our safety. We accept restraints in freedom, but when we choose to. Freedom has always come with a price, just as it comes with privileges and consequences. And these privileges and consequences come with choices that in turn lead to more freedoms or less freedoms, depending on how we exercise those rights.


It is the choice, that makes freedom possible. Having the freedom to choose one path or another is what remains most important to Americans. It is indeed, the very thing that makes us American. Having the ability to choose our housing, our jobs, our religion, our spouses, our hobbies and possessions, is what unifies us all under the great big umbrella that is the United States.


People want to come here from all over the world in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the freedom we share, of hopefully partaking in it, and reaping the benefits. To be sure, we are still today one of the freest nations in the world. Do we as Americans, still feel that way?


There are arguments to be had that reveal that in increasing numbers, we do not. Our struggles today, still ring the same tone as those of old in many respects.


We can read the words attached to Lady Liberty herself,
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
and wonder if she ever intended on replacing the lamp with a 'no vacancy' sign.



We look back to the words written by our constitution, and see the phrase, "to promote general welfare," and wonder if that includes the promise of Healthcare. Does the fact that doctors and hospitals are bound by an oath to help those who require emergency care denote the fact that as a people we have already accepted this by standards of ethics, and so economics must follow?



We can look back to the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt and wonder if in pursuing Green energy over oil we can free ourselves from the fear of our reliance on an ever-dwindling natural resource. Our freedom to forage, purchase and burn oil for instance has been one of free reign for many years. In consequence, many people feel that our only hope is to find another source of energy, a cleaner source.
Millions of dollars are being spent in the pursuit of this energy, and the controversy seems never-ending. (Here is where the other side would tell me that it is left which inflicts the fear of global warming. Let's put that argument aside for now. In my opinion, we need only look at the number of oil spills every year as an example of our need to find a new way. And those instances cannot be refuted.) We fear that by turning our backs on oil we will punish ourselves with higher costs. It is this fear that allows us to relinquish our freedom. If we push on, accept that possibility, and begin to build our lives around a cleaner energy, one in which we are not so dependent on oil, then perhaps we could come to a point where our demand is lower than the supply. (For now, the supply and demand is so upside down, that the oil companies could charge $5 a gallon and there really isn't a lot we could do about it.) But if we were free of the fear so we could explore and utilize capitalism in the way in which it was designed, the flip of supply vs. demand would not only force oil to be more competitive with green energy, but likely then force green energy to be more competitive in the market as well. This choice alone, could expand our freedoms as a person and as a union.



We can see over and over indicators which prescribe that by both the Constitutional right to liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and the American right to worship and follow one's own religious path as he or she sees fit, affords a person the right to marry within a homosexual union:
-The words of George Washington: The bosom of America is open to receive not only the Opulent & respectable Stranger, but the oppressed & persecuted of all Nations & Religions; whom we shall wellcome to a participation of all our rights & previleges.
-Our Declaration of Independence: that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
-The Constitution itself: to secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.
-To the words of Roosevelt again: freedom of every person to worship God in his own way.


I could provide unlimited number of resources that refer to our country's Freedom of Religion, and find few that would denounce the claim. Still, it seems that fight is stronger than ever. And it is one fight, which I personally believe becomes relative to all others.


We are a young country, with a short history, but our memories seem somehow shorter. There has always been a fringe that has fought progress, and sometimes maybe they were in the right. The sad thing about change is, that when right, it is slow to progress. We need only look back a few years to see similar situations as we find ourselves in today. It was not so long ago when people felt just as strongly, for purportedly religious reasons albeit, that inter-racial marriages were just as wrong as gay marriages. From the same rule of thumb, men felt women hadn't the legitimate right to a voice or a vote.


According to the Pew Research Center the number of people who now consider themselves 'unaffiliated' with any religion has doubled in recent years. The number of agnostics and athiests is rising, and interestingly enough in a recent survey it was found that, "Atheists and agnostics, Jews and Mormons are among the highest-scoring groups [...] outperforming evangelical Protestants, mainline Protestants and Catholics on questions about the core teachings, history and leading figures of major world religions." (Pew Forum on Religion poll)


Perhaps the latter is an indicator of the preceding comment. Somewhere along the way, I feel like the message has been lost in translation. Let's be honest, I don't consider myself a traditional Christian. I like to read and explore other faiths as well, and one day hopefully can consider myself a theological academic, but I have accepted that my own sense of what's true doesn't fit with most religions man has made in the pursuit of God as of yet.


For people like me, and people of faith, we see a growing fringe within the Christian world that scares people more than it invites them in. The message this group relays is one of fear and hate rather than love and acceptance; of greed and gluttony over charity and compassion.


I recently had a discussion with someone over the philosophy of charity within Christianity, and it was expressed to me that though this is something Christians know is required of them, it is easier to be charitable when given the choice. In the same manner of thinking, I think many Christian evangelicals, especially those within our government, are riding the cusp of error in their current path. Just as it may be easier to be charitable when we can do so out of our own reasons and not someone else's, it is also easier to accept religion in small bites rather than choking on it while being force-fed to us.


It is difficult to not acknowledge the hypocrisy in our pledges to help free the middle east from their theologically controlled government - one that accepts the dehumanization of women and requires that everyone live by a very specific and limiting set of guidelines - while at the same time our own leaders are pledging to create laws that are specifically founded by a Christian ideology. This is unconstitutional, and only adds to the number of people that question their faith, or at the very least, how their faith is being expressed to others.


When it comes down to it, even those who consider themselves Christian if only by tradition, still want the choice. It is our right as Americans to have this choice, and in all the freedoms bestowed to us in this country, the freedom to choose right or left, up or down, Christian or Jewish, stripes or polka-dots, is the most sacrosanct of them all.


So, if you are of those Americans who feels that being free in America reserves you the right to marry who you choose, to practice faith as you choose, to speak and dress as you choose, to have control over your own body as you choose, do you feel you are being properly represented?


True enough, the theory of freedom brings with it more questions than answers. For some it may be easier to go back to an older prescribed set of rules and apply them to today's society, but we must not forget that is antithetical to what this country was built upon. The messy, controversial, infinite fight within our democracy that hashes out these choices, is the very thing, the only thing, that unites us one and all as Americans, and is what makes us free.

The Choices We Make

The Choices We Make

The difference between being reasonable and rational...
"According to the argumentative theory of reasoning, the function of reasoning is argumentative: to find and evaluate arguments so as to convince others and only be convinced when it is appropriate. Accordingly, reasoning works well as an argumentative device, but quite poorly otherwise." ~Hugo Mercier


People are good at being reasonable. Being reasonable involves taking one's own wants and needs, applying justifications thereof out of one's own biases and ideologies, and then making plans to reach those goals (i.e. the wants/needs) in a way we feel is the most efficient or easiest.
Being rational. Well being rational is something entirely different. To be rational one must understand that the choices we make have consequences. Sometimes these are good or bad. They may be advantageous for some while disadvantageous for others.
The problem with being rational - why it is so much more difficult - is because it takes not just empirical evidence, but humanization and idealism as well. Being rational is not just being realistic, but idealistic. Knowing there may be hurdles, but if all things following are also done rationally, an accomplishment can be had.
Being rational requires curbing one's own prejudices and being able to listen and appreciate others' ideas as well.
Being rational also requires one to recognize that there is no statute of limitations to consequences.
The choices we make carry consequences that ripple like a stone tossed in a pond, affecting everything and everyone around us.
There is very little that is wrong in life which can be named so due to one cause alone. It is the culmination of consequences falling like an avalanche that causes the most damage.
How do your day to day choices add up? Will they help or hinder the progress? Did you only take or did you give to the world today?
It is easy to make decisions based on what we believe is right or wrong, easy or hard, advantageous or not. It is much more difficult to wrap one's mind around all of those things at once, and not just see the outcome but the trend it starts, to where it may lead.

Does a man on the streets have only himself to blame?
Do the children in orphanages blame their parents the most?
Does the girl on the corner even know how she got there?
Who shall take blame for the genocide and starvation?
The disease we can treat?
The food that goes bad...
Is there blame to lay for the smog and the smoke, the cancer and the radiation?
Who will our children blame when the oil is gone?

What trend do you lend your will to?
When we make a choice, what is the goal? And what is the path? What is the cause and what is the affect? Yes, affect, not effect.
I think overall, the universal answer is easy. We want to be happy. But do you remember to differentiate between the reasonable ways you go about making rational decisions in pursuit of happiness? Of yours and mine? His and hers?
For example, we should not try to be good people in the prospects of one day being referred to as good Christians (for instance), but be good followers of faith in the hopes of being a better person; a happier person.
We should not lead a life that makes money the goal, but recognize that money can sometimes be the vehicle. It is never the destination.
Either way, there is a vehicle and a destination, and sometimes these things break-down, but the path and the destination are still there, as long as we have the will to find another way to get there; maybe even a better way.
The big house is no good without family or friends to fill it.
No skyscraper will be remembered as more beautiful than a mountain-top.
No blue-screen will be thought more romantic than a sunset.
It is easy to think the choices we make, as such small individuals in a big world, make little or no impact. It is easier to be reasonable and think in shorter terms to attain current goals. Or to think that the trash we threw out the window won't hurt a bird or squirrel (and one bird, eh? who would care anyway right?). It is easier to believe your vote doesn't count; that there is little that can be done.
Yes it is easier to believe we make no impact. But though the pebble we throw is small, the ripple that grows is not.

The Human Connection

Unity. Is it simply a fanciful concept? A notion? Or an actual state of being? Is it real? Can people conquer divides and unite themselves? And if we cannot find a way to unite together, can we truly connect with anything beyond ourselves? Can we accept that in being united and working together, that we are in fact working naturally and in congruence with the intangible connection that binds us all. Is it really possible?

With the coming of the internet and the invention of social networking sites, in many respects we are more united than ever before. Our world is significantly smaller. We find ourselves making discoveries in places we have never been or personally seen.

Yet, in other respects we are more disconnected with each other, divided by differing ideas and values. We are disconnected further still with our natural element, and our spiritual one. Even those who believe themselves to lead a righteous life, often find during serious self-reflection, that their everyday lives are antithetical to their deepest spiritual values. When we push past the surface and dive deeper, will we find common ground?

I constantly hear myself saying things to my son like, "Be happy for what you have" and "Don't be jealous, be happy for others for what they can do and have earned." Then one day, he tells me he wants to be a superhero. I tell him, "Anybody can be a superhero, because a superhero is just a person who does his best to help others." The latter torpedoed into a fantastic story, as five year olds are known to do, about Superman and Spiderman. As he explained the awful conundrum the heroes found themselves in, I found myself asking, "Who do you think will get there in time?" Naturally, making it a competition between the two. Then curious, I ask, "Who do you think is stronger?"

"They're not stronger," he replied. "Spiderman will do [lots of stuff] and Superman will do [all this other stuff]." (I summarize his depiction for your benefit)

Now just messing with him really, I probe further still, "Yes, but who is the better superhero?"

Exacerbated, he said again, "No one is better Mom. They are a team."

"Ahh," I replied, "They work together."

My five year old son understood better than I on a foundational level. I am constantly reminded by my children to see the world through their eyes. So young and innocent, so trusting, and so sweetly untouched by the cultural impacts of our societies' biases.

Why must we make life a competition? Why do we yearn for the things owned by another before we value what we ourselves have? Why do we seek more than we need, and need to have more than our neighbor? Or, to compare our strengths and our weaknesses against our friends as well as our foes?

We are all different. We have different ideas about how to go about things. But that is what makes us strong, not just weak. (My Momma always said our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses) My son understood this. In his scenario, neither hero was the successor, but both triumphed. Spiderman used his web to catch the villain and Superman flew to save the damsel. They used their differences to unite under a common goal.

Could I tell my son a story of real life people doing the same?

In moments of heated debate it is easy to believe we cannot.

However, there is a moment, even within this debate, when our differences rise to the surface and cannot be ignored. We have a choice: to shy away, afraid of the unknown, biased against change. Or, we can choose to seek understanding, choose knowledge over ignorance, and often compassion over hate.

And it is in that moment, even if an understanding is not met, it is in that moment when we open our hearts in an attempt to open our minds, seeking understanding. In that moment we are connected. It is in this moment we often find compromise as well. In that moment we can be united. By uniting our minds, we link our hearts and we find love there. We find our connection.

All through the animal kingdom we see the natural inclination to cooperate, to work together in order to support the packs' common good.

For thousands of years, "civilized" people have increasingly blinded themselves to this natural rhythm that creates order in a questionably disharmonious world. The human species is simply a piece of the puzzle that must work in congruence with the whole in order to see the big picture.

In this connection, can we find unity? Or must we unite before we will accept the connection?

In a recent talk with a friend I explained that I, my own bias working in my favor of course, believed women would always be the ones to truly understand this concept of our inter-connectedness more than men. Mothers understand the truth in this more than anyone. In having been physically connected to a child, and then having them alive, and running, far away and many years outside of our womb, that connection still feels so real and tangible I can practically see the umbilical cord.

It is in that same sense, that I am connected to my son, that I can understand my more distant, but still very real, connection to a child across the world.

Hollywood director, Tom Shadyac - famous for his comedies like "Liar, Liar" - has recently released his new movie, "I Am", that discusses this idea of our overall connection, among many other things. In his documentary, he says there is scientific proof of this connection revealed in reviewing studies of the Vagus Nerve, one we all have.

Studies show that when people are in situations where they are seeking the human connection - i.e., a son running for his father, a viewer tearing-up at an ad on t.v. - their Vagus nerve reacts. A Vagus nerve reaction can be identified by that tiny knot that builds in ones' throats, prefacing the onset of tears.

It reminded me of the conversation I just described. And, that since I have had my children, even years after my first son was born, I still feel that swell in my chest and the lump in my throat all the time. Commercials, pictures, public gestures of kindness...the list goes on. I used to think it was my hormones. I had concluded that having children completely screwed them up, and I would forever be a hormonal mess. But, it was only in these moments of empathy, in identifying with another and feeling connected, that I felt the expansion of emotion associated with the Vagus nerve.

Ah-ha! It's not my hormones. In having children, I had validated, if not personally verified, my previous conclusion. I had expanded my ability to feel and tap into that connection. Native American tribes often referred to it as "The One" : the original energy source that not only drives us all, but survives within us and at some basic level connects us to one another as well as to every rabbit, frog and tree.

When we look at a Monet, for instance, we agree that it is beautiful. It is not just the brush strokes, or the picture, or the colors that engenders its beauty however. It is in the folds of one stroke against another that lends it its texture. It is in the contrast of the light against the shadows that molds its tone. It is in the play of color against color that appeals to the eye. It is the seemingly incongruent harmony of many pieces that work against each other, as they work together, that make it whole. That make it beautiful. That make it art.

Lessons From My Mother

As children and especially teenagers, how many times did you say "I will be nothing like my parents." Then, the unthinkable happens, and one day we turn to our own children, and hear the voice our parents' spew forth.

I hear myself say things I heard my mother say, feel my face conform into the same faces she would make, especially her "concentration" face. Unlike the rationale of my adolescence, as a parent today I'm happy I carry the lessons of my mother with me, and try to pass them on to my children, although the context has changed.

And of all the lessons my mother passed down to me, that has likely been the most important. The lesson of context. Knowing that context changes, and individual's reality is shifted and manipulated by the context in which they see others and the world.

As a young girl, grade school can be a scary place. A little chubby and a little too scholarly, I had a hard time carving my own path and even harder yet, owning that path. Whenever I would come home, full of tears and self-condemnation, my mother would always remind me that we never knew what that person's context was. Maybe her words for teaching the lesson were different at the time, but it was the same lesson nonetheless. She didn't believe that people wanted to be mean. There was meanness, to be sure, and evil too, but it was imperative that before I leap to make rash judgments of those around me, especially those I felt victimized by, I needed to reflect on their side. Try to stand for a moment in their shoes.

I look back today, and know that I carried that lesson with me all through childhood and into adulthood, and it has completely shaped the person I am today, in nearly every aspect of my life.

Read between the lines. You never know what happens behind closed doors. People that are mean to others most often really hate themselves the most.

All of these mantras I still echo in my mind today. When I remember children that taunted me through school, I wonder if their fathers were cruel. When I remember being called fat, I wonder now if that girl's toilet was her best friend. When I see a man on TV beating someone he sees as smaller or weaker than he, I wonder and think of the trauma that he must have endured to become this way. Though this isn't always the case, too often it is, and too often we forget, symptoms are the clue to deeper problems.

My religion has changed through context. I read between the lines. I know my own heart enough today to know what I believe in and what I don't. I know who wrote what and where it originated from and why. From there I can make my deductions more studiously.

My ethics have changed through context. I try to never forget what may have come to pass that has placed people in the positions they are in, be it positive or not. So, I am constantly trying to find the root issue at problems. Looking beyond the face of the matter at hand and past it, studying the philosophy and psychology of the situation. Sometimes this can lead to over-analyzation to be sure, and then I remember that there is always a happy medium to strive for. For example, I believe that "the unexamined life is not worth living," but I acknowledge also that if one spends all of their time in examination they will forget to live.

My politics have changed through context. I know that there are biases to be had and one of the most effective ways to overcome said bias is to educate myself through as many different sources as possible. Once I see several different sides, I can make more sound deductions. When I look at my prospective leaders, I do not just look at the words they say, but at the context in which they speak them. What are the biases they have behind their own perspectives? Where did they grow up? What kind of people do they surround themselves with today? When I look at legislation, I find out what the context was in which it was founded, and in what context does it apply today?

Context. Situation. Perspective. All of these things mold our own personal realities of the world. To approach life as an apperceptive being is against the very nature of our humanity, of what puts us at the top of the food chain.

I have to thank my mother for teaching me this lesson. It was not something I had to learn the hard way through hardships of my own. Sadly, for many people, they only discover empathy when they themselves have walked through fire.

"...but all experience must be related back to and derives its validity from the conditions and context of consciousness in which it arises, i.e., the totality of our nature." -Wilhelm Dilthey

In other words, all things are relative, especially context. Thank you Mom.


-EMarie83-

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Will Work For Food

"But of course most of today's young are not relatively affluent. Even the college-educated minority face a punishing economic environment. If they don't expect to be "on track for a rewarding career until much later than their parents were," that diminished expectation should tell us less about them than it does about their country.
If anybody cared. Or more exactly, if anybody cared who wielded any political clout."


The above is a quote from a recent article from CNN written by David Frum. Though the beginning of his article has a vast number of points I could agree with, my consent falters when he begins speaking of this issue as though it were only a political one. The excerpts he pulls from the New York Times magazine are used as his sources for rebuttal. I myself am a 20-something, and sad to say, I have to agree with the author of said article, for though Mr. Frum has some excellent points, I feel he is wrong in assigning all the blame for today's economic woes on politics alone.


I fear we have fallen apathetic. Lazy. Gluttonous. And worst of all entitled.


There it is. I said it.


Not only has the subject become that of recent media scrutiny but has also arose in conversations amongst my own circle of friends. We spoke frankly about unemployment and welfare. Were they political issues? Cultural? Racial?


From state to state we recognized that the general populous who chooses to take advantage of the system's generosity does indeed change.


So, not a racial issue.


We all also agreed that there should be a safety net for those who find themselves suddenly unemployed. However, as much as I believe people should be able to put food on their tables, I believe it is up to the state to set limits. Perhaps, we thought, a time-table applied affording citizens the right to assistance based on their region's unemployment rate.


And though I do not feel the government has done all it can to drive new jobs, I feel both parties are to blame here. I will say, however, that it is very difficult to create new jobs out of thin air. When one side not only decides to cut off so much government spending that it sends thousands of federal and state workers into the private sector - when there are already not enough jobs - and then also denies us any means to investigate technologies that could lead to a new job sector, both seem to me to be ill-conceived notions. I also believe that it will take a new wave of education, leading to technology, building to manufacturing that will save our country. That takes investing in our people so our people can later invest in us. It doesn't mean cutting budgets. It doesn't mean taking away every single extra-curricular activity in school so you completely limit a child's means to nurture their skills and explore new things. Leaving them in their 20's with a very limited understanding of what the world has to offer and what they themselves have to offer the world. But on to other things.


So, then, it is not just a political issue either.


We are left with one. A cultural issue. And by that, we did not mean the small variations between white, black, Hispanic, Asian, native-American, Jewish, Muslim, or any other of the many I haven't the room to list. This is an American issue. A conundrum of our culture, that of perspective and an error in mentality.


Whether it be that one is too good for a certain job, or better yet that the job isn't good enough for them. Too often people complain that they do too much and get paid too little. Sure we all feel this way. But there are way too many people that say that who do not deserve more than they make, and probably don't deserve what they do make half the time. I'm not to say we should let others take advantage of us, but how many times have you heard "I'm sorry, that's not a part of my job description." Really? You can not expect to get anywhere with that attitude. It's like your son asking why he should have to clean up the mess he didn't make. What's your general attitude toward that question? Just do it!


Then I had a thought. Women. Ahem. Ahh, Ladies...May I have your attention? Because unlike the New York Times article which placed much of the lazy factor blame on men, I also must pass some of this torch off to the women. We fought and fought for equality and to be allowed into the work place to not only join our male counter-parts but to supersede them. Yet we still want to be treated like "ladies" and are, I must say, some of the worst at using the previous line, "Ummm, that's not part of my job description."


Again, not to say that there are not women out there taking the bull by the horns and doing what it takes to get by. However, I still fear for the women of my generation. Even on the home front we allow ourselves to fall victim to our own lady-like fragility. How many of you ladies will mow your lawn or fix the leaky faucet? If you haven't, go let your husband show you what a primer pump is and a wrench because you're going to need it. You want to take control of your lives and your homes, then by God take control!


I remember being a young girl and my dad stayed home with me while my mother worked. An only child, my father treated me like I was neither all girl nor all boy, but played and showed me how to work in a way that didn't differentiate any activity or job in nature or relation to sex.
I can still see him laughing at me the first time I was handed a machete and told to cut down nearly half an acre of brush practically by hand. Weed-eaters were for rich folk.


"Grab a hold of the thing! It's not gonna bite you!" He'd hollered from the porch as I tried to wrangle the blade.


Indeed, the small snake I later discovered made me rest assured something would. Still I worked then and continued to be hauled around to job sites like a boy.


Though today I don't do construction or manual labor for a living, I can start a lawn mower by myself, build home-made bookshelves with the best of them, and in general I like to say I ain't afraid of a little work.


The work ethic is there and has not just landed me good jobs, but jobs that were lasting and led to good referrals. I was able to maintain a very good job in a male industry and in fact got the job because I told them under no uncertain terms that I was not afraid of hard work, nor was I afraid to learn new things. I interviewed in a dress for a job that kept me smeared in grease for a good part of the time, but while there I was without argument one of the best employees, and in fact outworked most of my male counterparts.


Today, I do my work in a different way. Raising my children and tending my home and land for my husband, so he can be at his best to provide for us. I still work. Oh yeah, I work, and I put in way more than 40 hours.


On one such day however, I didn't work. I took my girlfriend and went out for a day of shopping and bad fast-food. Upon pulling out of the restaurant, I have my windows down and air-conditioner blowing, and my engine roaring over my radio in my big diesel truck. And just as I'm about to take my first bite out of my big fat American cheeseburger, I look over to see a homeless man with a sign that says, "Will Work For Food."


I slammed on my brakes and jumped out of the truck. I hadn't worked for my food that day. And although I didn't have any work for him, atleast he was willing.


"Will Work For Food."


So I gave him my food.


Unemployment can not be summed up neatly into any one issue, but I think it would be wrong of us to accept that it is our legislators alone who can fix the problem. It is not my job to judge how or why the homeless man came to be on the streets, but I did what I could at the time to help him. And it is not a problem of the government alone that keeps people unemployed. Change for the greater good happens one step at a time, just as individual progress often takes baby steps. It is the nature of man to fall, but it is how we rise that is the true testament of our strength.


Neither is it all about doing things that are not in your nature to do. Whether you're good with tools or better behind a computer does not define how well you will do in life. It is about not being afraid to try new things and putting yourself to the test. About drive and self-motivation. About doing something for no other reason than to prove to yourself you can. It's about having purpose in your life and in every step you take. About being willing to do the work to get there.

It would be tragic of us to waste the will we have been given to not just dream, but to act.

Stand up

will you stand up?
for what you believe
will you stand up?
for those found in need

or will you silent, the words in your heart
afraid of the trend, the ripple you start.

will you stand up?
when others may fall
hold out a hand
to those a little less tall
will you stand up?
and try to make them see
that together we are stronger
than alone we can ever be.

and if love and compassion
are what we all strive for
in the lessons we teach
in our tales and our lore

will you stand up?
for what is the best
if it means standing alone
outside of the rest

will you stand up?
for what is right?
even if what that means
is standing to fight

will you stand up?

and stand beside me?



-EMarie83-

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My God

My God

My God is not a man.
But he is Heaven,
And she is Earth.
And yes I use the two,
To speak of my divine,
Because I believe all
Are both masculine,
And feminine.
I believe the touch
Of love's first kiss,
Is the real kind
Of divine bliss.
It's wrapped in gentleness,
Warmth and loyalty.
And in it truth
That can set us free.
My God is not
Just in all of us,
But lives in each thing,
Every rock and bee we cuss.
My God is not just good,
But knows evil too.
For without one,
We know not what we do.
I believe my God
Stands for us all.
And gives us a choice,
But will be there when we fall.
The guidance is there,
Steadfast in harmony.
If we hold onto,
What is our humanity.
I believe that my God
Is the energy to my soul.
The thing that connects us all,
Making us whole.
I know that my God,
Can see what I do.
Because in my own heart,
Let thy self be true.
And in the end when
I answer for what my life has found,
I know the circle
Will keep going 'round.
Be it another level, life or less,
I will know first,
If I passed the test.
And that is the final lesson learned.
My God won't let
Our souls be burned.
Vengeance is not
A part of morality.
Compassion is the gift
That sets us free.
My God knows this best,
And does not wish for blood
To be lost at his behest.
I believe in the power
Of what you call prayer.
Though I may not practice
It in the same name.
Positive and negative energy abound,
What you put out,
Is what will be found.
I know my God knows
And loves all man-kind.
Because my God flows
Through your blood
And mine.
My body is the temple,
Where my soul resides.
And my God is like an armor,
Keeping me strong inside.
My God is both faith
As well as physics too.
In all things we find compromise,
Where there's one, there's two.
Have you ever felt that hum,
Of the sand beneath your feet,
And the crashing waves at your toes?
That moment when you can say,
You truly are not alone.
Listen to the wind,
The rain above your ears.
Listen to the waves,
Or the music of your younger years.
Listen to it all.
Look for God if you must.
Be it Buddha, Jesus or Allah,
In my God,
I trust.


-EMarie83-

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

What's in a name?

It's that time of year again. Time to bring out the stockings, and hang them with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon will be here. With three kids, our mantle has finally found itself full. So my husband and I purchased the last two stockings we will be adding to it's white-wooden face.

Wanting to make it a fun family activity, I bought glue and glitter so we could all label our own stockings. Then we found ourselves confronted with a rather obvious question. For while our children's were each boldly decorated with their names, we wondered what our's should read. "Mom" and "Dad" seemed the obvious choice.

Laughing, my husband remarked, "Babe, we've got three kids. Never again will our names be necessary." We'll forever be "RayRay's Dad" or whichever child the person speaking is referring to. Once our babies grow up and begin leading little lives of their own, they create their own circle of friends and acquaintances, we as parents, are largely not a part of. And in this outer circle, we are simply 3rd party participants, and so, our names are hardly necessary.

It is both a blessing and a burden. Being a mom is the greatest gift life has given me. Their little smiles are priceless every time. Yes, it is hard. Hell, I would love to announce my presence every time I walk in a room with, "Yes, it is I. Mother and bearer of living things!" Then, everyone present, should do the wave. Because, lets face it, as moms we deserve it. Do we always get what we deserve? No. So we move on.

The trouble with those little blessings, is that they are all-consuming. It takes every ounce of strength, endurance, and brain power to raise those little heathens and with multiple kids, there is rarely an opportunity to have a moment to yourself. I told a friend not long ago, that I very often didn't get a moment to sit down until at least nine o'clock, once all the kids were asleep. Her reply was, "Hunny that's not relaxing at the end of the day, that's falling out." And there is a lot of truth to what she said.

It is very easy when you're a parent to completely lose oneself in their child. The never-ending stream of requests and demands and responsibilities can drown us, suffocating the spirit of who we once were. You know, pre-baby.

This is dangerous terrain to find oneself in. It is not only an everyday struggle to raise kids, be a spouse, and for most, an employee too, it is also a struggle to just be. To find balance and just be. Be the person you set out to be.

It is those that get lost in the struggle, and lose their sense of self, that have the hardest time finding that balance and very often lose control. We find ourselves sinking beneath the depths, kicking and screaming, trying to claw our way out, but no one hears us below the surface. And just like anyone who finds themselves drowning, if there is someone nearby, they will likely be drowned as well, or hurt in the process, as we try to break the surface.

How can we teach our children what kind of person to be, if we lose sight of who we set out to be ourselves? It is so important to maintain those friendships of old, while seeking friendships of new; to read new things and explore new places; to continue to grow so we can not just teach our children how to grow, but show them.

Passion in life is just as important as passion in relationships. I hope I can teach my children to be passionate. But I hope I can show them too. Because, while I happily labeled my stocking this year with "Mom", I know in the end, that the person who wrote it, was me.

A new kind of bully?

Bullying has always been around. Every kid of every generation remembers either being a bully, being bullied, or being a bystander. But bullying doesn't end in grade school. When we were children, the bully just wanted to hurt your feelings; make him/herself feel better. In high school, the bully wanted to ruin your reputation; make him/herself feel better. As adults, the bully wants to ruin your life. But has the adult really never grown beyond the need to put other's down in order to make him/herself feel better? Has it grown into something else altogether?

People in general are not comfortable with themselves, don't understand themselves, and don't like anything else that they don't understand. They especially don't like people that do understand themselves. But those who do accept that there are those who are different, find themselves to be happier. And those who don't, don't like that either.

Every generation seems to have it's target group. African Americans during the...well forever...but lets go with the 70's. Then it was the geeks of the 80's, the obese of the 90's, and today it's gays and lesbians.

The problem with the sudden outrage against the bullying that gays and lesbians are having to endure in school and beyond, is that while we say we are mad, we continue to accept laws and policies that foster the hateful feelings some people have towards homosexuals. We have laws, that if taken back 30 years ago and applied to a different race, would have been readily acknowledged as crimes against the Civil Rights Act. It would be prudent to remember there was a time, not so long ago, when black people were not allowed to marry white people.

Not allowing gays and lesbians to marry, not allowing true power of attorney over immediate family members, not allowing them to serve openly in the military...as long as we set this precedent, we are basically saying we are ok with what some children, and those adults who remain ignorant, are doing to other people.

As long as our country as a whole continues to promote such policies, how are we to expect our children to be accepting of those who are different from them? As parents, it is our duty to not only teach our children compassion, acceptance, and to not judge lest ye be judged, it is also our duty to act as role models and lead by example.

There are plenty of things about people I don't like or agree with. It is natural to disagree with one another, and to have differing ideologies on how we should lead our lives. But bullying to the point of suicide is worse than manslaughter. What could possibly fuel such a fire?

Hate.

There is no need for such hate. If you don't like something I do, then don't like it. As long as I'm not hurting myself, or anyone else in the process, then it is my business and mine alone. A person's sexuality should not be cause for such hatred. There are plenty of evils in the world without our energies being wasted in that.

The fact that gays and lesbians want to get married and want to have children should not lead those who are religious to believe that this will corrupt the institutions of marriage and family. In this world of corruption, where love is often the last reason people marry one another, we should be grateful that here is a group who at least really want to marry and have families out of love. Is it not love that is meant to be the foundation of religion? It certainly isn't supposed to be hate.

It is not succumbing to devilish ways to allow people to live their lives so they may be as happy as absolutely possible. This only makes for a better world. This is called progress. And over the centuries there have always been those who wish to thwart progress, but though it has taken time, as most things do, progress has always won.

We have relieved people from religious persecution, from racial persecution, and now we must free them from sexual persecution. Not only must we succeed in this, but we must also remember that the fight from religious and racial persecution is still a struggle we battle to this day, and none are won easily.

It is not only our jobs to teach our children things like compassion and understanding, but also to teach them to have the gumption and courage to stand up for one another. There are too many bystanders. We must be proud of those who choose to take a stand, even if they must suffer consequences in doing so. It is these people, not just the victims, that will make the biggest difference in changing the course of history, and cause change in the way we view the world.

It was not just the groups of African Americans marching the streets in the 60's that caught the attention of the American public, and of the world. It was also the white, Asian, Latino, and other general populous that stood beside them. We had to stand together, not because we all represented the same cause, but because we believed in it.

Oh it's my birthday?

Birthdays and babies. Does it mix well? Not really. But as we get older and our families grow, there comes a time when we realize our birthdays no longer hold the significance they once did. For me, 27 is apparently that glorious number.

For years I have looked forward to my birthday ready to party down and let loose for a night of fun. But this year, although I have been pondering RayRay's birthday for months already, my husband had to remind me twice last week that my birthday was coming up. Last year I had no hopes of grandeur, as I was pregnant with the twins. This year, with money being tight and babies being plentiful, there are still no plans.

I can't help but acknowledge also, that I am avoiding the fact that with every year, I get closer to 30. And with every year I creep closer to "middle-aged," I become more and more aware of the cold truth that life is scarily short.

My children remind me of that on a daily basis. I never knew how scary it would be to have children. We fear for their safety every moment of the day. We fear for our own, and that we may have the power to protect them. We fear that the day will come when we will no longer be with them.

There are other indications of my ever increasing age as well. I have, for instance, completely outgrown the Juniors department. Up until a few short years ago, I continued to shop there, finding the clothes' cut best suited my taste. Slowly, however, I have begun to venture forth into other parts of the store. As of today, I have completely matured beyond it's boundaries.

I have also become a bit of a hypochondriac. Although,I can typically get my rationale mind to overpower that which wishes to freak out at every sudden pain. I am pretty sure that every twitch or ache I feel is either a bone-eating parasite or some other kind of horribly rare and fatal disease. Every headache is definitely a tumor and every cramp is always cancer.

The only thing my maturing age has apparently done for my mind-set, is make me scarily aware of my own mortality. So my mental health is on the verge of shot, lets check my physical status. Considering I had the twins about 6 months ago, and was virtually immobile for 9 months before that...well...lets just say there is still much to be desired.

But as I sit here, unable to finish my first cup of coffee - for the twins are loudly demanding their breakfast - and unable to watch my television program - for RayRay needs help with his letter to Santa - I am reminded that they are such blessings and....oh to hell with it...the only present I have this morning is in my daughter's diaper. Have a good day ya'll!

When did this happen?

My husband and I find ourselves saying that to one another quite often. Juggling one baby and then the other, each trying to pry his or her way from our arms, we can't help but look and ask "When did this happen?"

Of course we know when it happened. And how. Where is also understood. The why. Well the why was evading us for some time I will admit. The why and the how are both difficult to understand at first, because, wow, how is one to handle such an obstacle? But, once those little babies were in my arms both were immediately apparent. Having twins is both a blessing and an obstacle. But the hurdles are well worth the prize.

I think any mother of twins will admit, whether they are fraternal or paternal, that once arrived, she cannot imagine having one without the other. They are a pair. They compliment one another quite well. While my son is laid back, my daughter is quite the diva. Apparently, when the nurses wheeled her into the nursery from the delivery room the song "Wild Thing" was playing on the radio. My doctor, a woman with a very stern demeanor, but gentle in her own way, had to laugh. For while he had been born with no difficulties what-so-ever, my daughter had to born by emergency c-section. She was hiding. Perhaps seeing her brother suddenly vanish into the light scared her, because she jumped up underneath my ribs and would not come down.

They are now 6 months old, and she is still my needy one. She is much like her daddy in the fact that she wants to be constantly entertained. Seeing this now, I am so glad she has a brother to play with in the future. Their bond is already very strong. Every night when I check on them before I go to bed, they have scooted their way toward each other, until they are either holding hands, or leaning their heads together. I don't care who you are, that is precious.

The twins are not, however, the only light in my life. I also have another son, who will be turning 5 in only a couple of months. It's funny watching boys grow up. They hit these crazy growth spurts and before you know it, shoot up inches at a time. After the babies were born we cut his hair, which had always been long, into a neat little crew cut. I cried. And over night he grew up. He no longer looked like my baby boy, but like a full grown kid. He is the best little man a mom could ask for. Always polite and considerate, he loves his brother and sister so much and is such a great big brother. The dynamic is so nice right now, I know I need to soak it up and appreciate every last drop because I can already see the scene in 5 years.

Enter Oldest son: "Mom! GT won't quit bugging me!"
Enter Youngest son: "Mom! AK won't quit stealing my toys and RayRay won't let me play with him!"
Enter diva: "Mom! They're being mean to me!"

For now, he loves them. He gives them kisses on the cheek and they both light up when he enters the room. AK (my daughter) giggles and squeals when he dances for her, and GT (my youngest son) belly laughs when they play peek-a-boo. These moments are my saving grace when it later seems like they are ganging up on me. RayRay (my oldest son) will be asking me a million questions, while AK yells in defiance, and GT screams as he tries out his voice.

When my husband walks in the door at the end of the day it is such a blessing. I now truly have the greatest respect for single moms, because I would lose my frigging mind if I did not have that help at the end of the day. Although there are places in our relationship where we don't completely agree or go about things the same way, in parenting we are almost always on the same page. We have a rhythm that is smooth like clockwork, and we have learned from past mistakes, that when we need help, we just say so. Communication is key.

At the end of the day, when the babies have been fed, bathed, and are down for the count, we still stare at them in the crib. To have two is still surreal. It's one more than we ever counted on having, but a true blessing in disguise. I see big Christmas' in our future, peewee football, and piano recitals. I also see the scrapes and bruises, broken hearts, and things to be mended, but I'm looking forward to it.

When you're young it feels like you're forever waiting for it. Waiting for your life to start. This is it. This is your life. This moment, this day. And this, well, I've finally realized, this is my life.