With the coming of the internet and the invention of social networking sites, in many respects we are more united than ever before. Our world is significantly smaller. We find ourselves making discoveries in places we have never been or personally seen.
Yet, in other respects we are more disconnected with each other, divided by differing ideas and values. We are disconnected further still with our natural element, and our spiritual one. Even those who believe themselves to lead a righteous life, often find during serious self-reflection, that their everyday lives are antithetical to their deepest spiritual values. When we push past the surface and dive deeper, will we find common ground?
I constantly hear myself saying things to my son like, "Be happy for what you have" and "Don't be jealous, be happy for others for what they can do and have earned." Then one day, he tells me he wants to be a superhero. I tell him, "Anybody can be a superhero, because a superhero is just a person who does his best to help others." The latter torpedoed into a fantastic story, as five year olds are known to do, about Superman and Spiderman. As he explained the awful conundrum the heroes found themselves in, I found myself asking, "Who do you think will get there in time?" Naturally, making it a competition between the two. Then curious, I ask, "Who do you think is stronger?"
"They're not stronger," he replied. "Spiderman will do [lots of stuff] and Superman will do [all this other stuff]." (I summarize his depiction for your benefit)
Now just messing with him really, I probe further still, "Yes, but who is the better superhero?"
Exacerbated, he said again, "No one is better Mom. They are a team."
"Ahh," I replied, "They work together."
My five year old son understood better than I on a foundational level. I am constantly reminded by my children to see the world through their eyes. So young and innocent, so trusting, and so sweetly untouched by the cultural impacts of our societies' biases.
Why must we make life a competition? Why do we yearn for the things owned by another before we value what we ourselves have? Why do we seek more than we need, and need to have more than our neighbor? Or, to compare our strengths and our weaknesses against our friends as well as our foes?
We are all different. We have different ideas about how to go about things. But that is what makes us strong, not just weak. (My Momma always said our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses) My son understood this. In his scenario, neither hero was the successor, but both triumphed. Spiderman used his web to catch the villain and Superman flew to save the damsel. They used their differences to unite under a common goal.
Could I tell my son a story of real life people doing the same?
In moments of heated debate it is easy to believe we cannot.
However, there is a moment, even within this debate, when our differences rise to the surface and cannot be ignored. We have a choice: to shy away, afraid of the unknown, biased against change. Or, we can choose to seek understanding, choose knowledge over ignorance, and often compassion over hate.
And it is in that moment, even if an understanding is not met, it is in that moment when we open our hearts in an attempt to open our minds, seeking understanding. In that moment we are connected. It is in this moment we often find compromise as well. In that moment we can be united. By uniting our minds, we link our hearts and we find love there. We find our connection.
All through the animal kingdom we see the natural inclination to cooperate, to work together in order to support the packs' common good.
For thousands of years, "civilized" people have increasingly blinded themselves to this natural rhythm that creates order in a questionably disharmonious world. The human species is simply a piece of the puzzle that must work in congruence with the whole in order to see the big picture.
In this connection, can we find unity? Or must we unite before we will accept the connection?
In a recent talk with a friend I explained that I, my own bias working in my favor of course, believed women would always be the ones to truly understand this concept of our inter-connectedness more than men. Mothers understand the truth in this more than anyone. In having been physically connected to a child, and then having them alive, and running, far away and many years outside of our womb, that connection still feels so real and tangible I can practically see the umbilical cord.
It is in that same sense, that I am connected to my son, that I can understand my more distant, but still very real, connection to a child across the world.
Hollywood director, Tom Shadyac - famous for his comedies like "Liar, Liar" - has recently released his new movie, "I Am", that discusses this idea of our overall connection, among many other things. In his documentary, he says there is scientific proof of this connection revealed in reviewing studies of the Vagus Nerve, one we all have.
Studies show that when people are in situations where they are seeking the human connection - i.e., a son running for his father, a viewer tearing-up at an ad on t.v. - their Vagus nerve reacts. A Vagus nerve reaction can be identified by that tiny knot that builds in ones' throats, prefacing the onset of tears.
It reminded me of the conversation I just described. And, that since I have had my children, even years after my first son was born, I still feel that swell in my chest and the lump in my throat all the time. Commercials, pictures, public gestures of kindness...the list goes on. I used to think it was my hormones. I had concluded that having children completely screwed them up, and I would forever be a hormonal mess. But, it was only in these moments of empathy, in identifying with another and feeling connected, that I felt the expansion of emotion associated with the Vagus nerve.
Ah-ha! It's not my hormones. In having children, I had validated, if not personally verified, my previous conclusion. I had expanded my ability to feel and tap into that connection. Native American tribes often referred to it as "The One" : the original energy source that not only drives us all, but survives within us and at some basic level connects us to one another as well as to every rabbit, frog and tree.
When we look at a Monet, for instance, we agree that it is beautiful. It is not just the brush strokes, or the picture, or the colors that engenders its beauty however. It is in the folds of one stroke against another that lends it its texture. It is in the contrast of the light against the shadows that molds its tone. It is in the play of color against color that appeals to the eye. It is the seemingly incongruent harmony of many pieces that work against each other, as they work together, that make it whole. That make it beautiful. That make it art.
