It's that time of year again. Time to bring out the stockings, and hang them with care, in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon will be here. With three kids, our mantle has finally found itself full. So my husband and I purchased the last two stockings we will be adding to it's white-wooden face.
Wanting to make it a fun family activity, I bought glue and glitter so we could all label our own stockings. Then we found ourselves confronted with a rather obvious question. For while our children's were each boldly decorated with their names, we wondered what our's should read. "Mom" and "Dad" seemed the obvious choice.
Laughing, my husband remarked, "Babe, we've got three kids. Never again will our names be necessary." We'll forever be "RayRay's Dad" or whichever child the person speaking is referring to. Once our babies grow up and begin leading little lives of their own, they create their own circle of friends and acquaintances, we as parents, are largely not a part of. And in this outer circle, we are simply 3rd party participants, and so, our names are hardly necessary.
It is both a blessing and a burden. Being a mom is the greatest gift life has given me. Their little smiles are priceless every time. Yes, it is hard. Hell, I would love to announce my presence every time I walk in a room with, "Yes, it is I. Mother and bearer of living things!" Then, everyone present, should do the wave. Because, lets face it, as moms we deserve it. Do we always get what we deserve? No. So we move on.
The trouble with those little blessings, is that they are all-consuming. It takes every ounce of strength, endurance, and brain power to raise those little heathens and with multiple kids, there is rarely an opportunity to have a moment to yourself. I told a friend not long ago, that I very often didn't get a moment to sit down until at least nine o'clock, once all the kids were asleep. Her reply was, "Hunny that's not relaxing at the end of the day, that's falling out." And there is a lot of truth to what she said.
It is very easy when you're a parent to completely lose oneself in their child. The never-ending stream of requests and demands and responsibilities can drown us, suffocating the spirit of who we once were. You know, pre-baby.
This is dangerous terrain to find oneself in. It is not only an everyday struggle to raise kids, be a spouse, and for most, an employee too, it is also a struggle to just be. To find balance and just be. Be the person you set out to be.
It is those that get lost in the struggle, and lose their sense of self, that have the hardest time finding that balance and very often lose control. We find ourselves sinking beneath the depths, kicking and screaming, trying to claw our way out, but no one hears us below the surface. And just like anyone who finds themselves drowning, if there is someone nearby, they will likely be drowned as well, or hurt in the process, as we try to break the surface.
How can we teach our children what kind of person to be, if we lose sight of who we set out to be ourselves? It is so important to maintain those friendships of old, while seeking friendships of new; to read new things and explore new places; to continue to grow so we can not just teach our children how to grow, but show them.
Passion in life is just as important as passion in relationships. I hope I can teach my children to be passionate. But I hope I can show them too. Because, while I happily labeled my stocking this year with "Mom", I know in the end, that the person who wrote it, was me.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
A new kind of bully?
Bullying has always been around. Every kid of every generation remembers either being a bully, being bullied, or being a bystander. But bullying doesn't end in grade school. When we were children, the bully just wanted to hurt your feelings; make him/herself feel better. In high school, the bully wanted to ruin your reputation; make him/herself feel better. As adults, the bully wants to ruin your life. But has the adult really never grown beyond the need to put other's down in order to make him/herself feel better? Has it grown into something else altogether?
People in general are not comfortable with themselves, don't understand themselves, and don't like anything else that they don't understand. They especially don't like people that do understand themselves. But those who do accept that there are those who are different, find themselves to be happier. And those who don't, don't like that either.
Every generation seems to have it's target group. African Americans during the...well forever...but lets go with the 70's. Then it was the geeks of the 80's, the obese of the 90's, and today it's gays and lesbians.
The problem with the sudden outrage against the bullying that gays and lesbians are having to endure in school and beyond, is that while we say we are mad, we continue to accept laws and policies that foster the hateful feelings some people have towards homosexuals. We have laws, that if taken back 30 years ago and applied to a different race, would have been readily acknowledged as crimes against the Civil Rights Act. It would be prudent to remember there was a time, not so long ago, when black people were not allowed to marry white people.
Not allowing gays and lesbians to marry, not allowing true power of attorney over immediate family members, not allowing them to serve openly in the military...as long as we set this precedent, we are basically saying we are ok with what some children, and those adults who remain ignorant, are doing to other people.
As long as our country as a whole continues to promote such policies, how are we to expect our children to be accepting of those who are different from them? As parents, it is our duty to not only teach our children compassion, acceptance, and to not judge lest ye be judged, it is also our duty to act as role models and lead by example.
There are plenty of things about people I don't like or agree with. It is natural to disagree with one another, and to have differing ideologies on how we should lead our lives. But bullying to the point of suicide is worse than manslaughter. What could possibly fuel such a fire?
Hate.
There is no need for such hate. If you don't like something I do, then don't like it. As long as I'm not hurting myself, or anyone else in the process, then it is my business and mine alone. A person's sexuality should not be cause for such hatred. There are plenty of evils in the world without our energies being wasted in that.
The fact that gays and lesbians want to get married and want to have children should not lead those who are religious to believe that this will corrupt the institutions of marriage and family. In this world of corruption, where love is often the last reason people marry one another, we should be grateful that here is a group who at least really want to marry and have families out of love. Is it not love that is meant to be the foundation of religion? It certainly isn't supposed to be hate.
It is not succumbing to devilish ways to allow people to live their lives so they may be as happy as absolutely possible. This only makes for a better world. This is called progress. And over the centuries there have always been those who wish to thwart progress, but though it has taken time, as most things do, progress has always won.
We have relieved people from religious persecution, from racial persecution, and now we must free them from sexual persecution. Not only must we succeed in this, but we must also remember that the fight from religious and racial persecution is still a struggle we battle to this day, and none are won easily.
It is not only our jobs to teach our children things like compassion and understanding, but also to teach them to have the gumption and courage to stand up for one another. There are too many bystanders. We must be proud of those who choose to take a stand, even if they must suffer consequences in doing so. It is these people, not just the victims, that will make the biggest difference in changing the course of history, and cause change in the way we view the world.
It was not just the groups of African Americans marching the streets in the 60's that caught the attention of the American public, and of the world. It was also the white, Asian, Latino, and other general populous that stood beside them. We had to stand together, not because we all represented the same cause, but because we believed in it.
People in general are not comfortable with themselves, don't understand themselves, and don't like anything else that they don't understand. They especially don't like people that do understand themselves. But those who do accept that there are those who are different, find themselves to be happier. And those who don't, don't like that either.
Every generation seems to have it's target group. African Americans during the...well forever...but lets go with the 70's. Then it was the geeks of the 80's, the obese of the 90's, and today it's gays and lesbians.
The problem with the sudden outrage against the bullying that gays and lesbians are having to endure in school and beyond, is that while we say we are mad, we continue to accept laws and policies that foster the hateful feelings some people have towards homosexuals. We have laws, that if taken back 30 years ago and applied to a different race, would have been readily acknowledged as crimes against the Civil Rights Act. It would be prudent to remember there was a time, not so long ago, when black people were not allowed to marry white people.
Not allowing gays and lesbians to marry, not allowing true power of attorney over immediate family members, not allowing them to serve openly in the military...as long as we set this precedent, we are basically saying we are ok with what some children, and those adults who remain ignorant, are doing to other people.
As long as our country as a whole continues to promote such policies, how are we to expect our children to be accepting of those who are different from them? As parents, it is our duty to not only teach our children compassion, acceptance, and to not judge lest ye be judged, it is also our duty to act as role models and lead by example.
There are plenty of things about people I don't like or agree with. It is natural to disagree with one another, and to have differing ideologies on how we should lead our lives. But bullying to the point of suicide is worse than manslaughter. What could possibly fuel such a fire?
Hate.
There is no need for such hate. If you don't like something I do, then don't like it. As long as I'm not hurting myself, or anyone else in the process, then it is my business and mine alone. A person's sexuality should not be cause for such hatred. There are plenty of evils in the world without our energies being wasted in that.
The fact that gays and lesbians want to get married and want to have children should not lead those who are religious to believe that this will corrupt the institutions of marriage and family. In this world of corruption, where love is often the last reason people marry one another, we should be grateful that here is a group who at least really want to marry and have families out of love. Is it not love that is meant to be the foundation of religion? It certainly isn't supposed to be hate.
It is not succumbing to devilish ways to allow people to live their lives so they may be as happy as absolutely possible. This only makes for a better world. This is called progress. And over the centuries there have always been those who wish to thwart progress, but though it has taken time, as most things do, progress has always won.
We have relieved people from religious persecution, from racial persecution, and now we must free them from sexual persecution. Not only must we succeed in this, but we must also remember that the fight from religious and racial persecution is still a struggle we battle to this day, and none are won easily.
It is not only our jobs to teach our children things like compassion and understanding, but also to teach them to have the gumption and courage to stand up for one another. There are too many bystanders. We must be proud of those who choose to take a stand, even if they must suffer consequences in doing so. It is these people, not just the victims, that will make the biggest difference in changing the course of history, and cause change in the way we view the world.
It was not just the groups of African Americans marching the streets in the 60's that caught the attention of the American public, and of the world. It was also the white, Asian, Latino, and other general populous that stood beside them. We had to stand together, not because we all represented the same cause, but because we believed in it.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Oh it's my birthday?
Birthdays and babies. Does it mix well? Not really. But as we get older and our families grow, there comes a time when we realize our birthdays no longer hold the significance they once did. For me, 27 is apparently that glorious number.
For years I have looked forward to my birthday ready to party down and let loose for a night of fun. But this year, although I have been pondering RayRay's birthday for months already, my husband had to remind me twice last week that my birthday was coming up. Last year I had no hopes of grandeur, as I was pregnant with the twins. This year, with money being tight and babies being plentiful, there are still no plans.
I can't help but acknowledge also, that I am avoiding the fact that with every year, I get closer to 30. And with every year I creep closer to "middle-aged," I become more and more aware of the cold truth that life is scarily short.
My children remind me of that on a daily basis. I never knew how scary it would be to have children. We fear for their safety every moment of the day. We fear for our own, and that we may have the power to protect them. We fear that the day will come when we will no longer be with them.
There are other indications of my ever increasing age as well. I have, for instance, completely outgrown the Juniors department. Up until a few short years ago, I continued to shop there, finding the clothes' cut best suited my taste. Slowly, however, I have begun to venture forth into other parts of the store. As of today, I have completely matured beyond it's boundaries.
I have also become a bit of a hypochondriac. Although,I can typically get my rationale mind to overpower that which wishes to freak out at every sudden pain. I am pretty sure that every twitch or ache I feel is either a bone-eating parasite or some other kind of horribly rare and fatal disease. Every headache is definitely a tumor and every cramp is always cancer.
The only thing my maturing age has apparently done for my mind-set, is make me scarily aware of my own mortality. So my mental health is on the verge of shot, lets check my physical status. Considering I had the twins about 6 months ago, and was virtually immobile for 9 months before that...well...lets just say there is still much to be desired.
But as I sit here, unable to finish my first cup of coffee - for the twins are loudly demanding their breakfast - and unable to watch my television program - for RayRay needs help with his letter to Santa - I am reminded that they are such blessings and....oh to hell with it...the only present I have this morning is in my daughter's diaper. Have a good day ya'll!
For years I have looked forward to my birthday ready to party down and let loose for a night of fun. But this year, although I have been pondering RayRay's birthday for months already, my husband had to remind me twice last week that my birthday was coming up. Last year I had no hopes of grandeur, as I was pregnant with the twins. This year, with money being tight and babies being plentiful, there are still no plans.
I can't help but acknowledge also, that I am avoiding the fact that with every year, I get closer to 30. And with every year I creep closer to "middle-aged," I become more and more aware of the cold truth that life is scarily short.
My children remind me of that on a daily basis. I never knew how scary it would be to have children. We fear for their safety every moment of the day. We fear for our own, and that we may have the power to protect them. We fear that the day will come when we will no longer be with them.
There are other indications of my ever increasing age as well. I have, for instance, completely outgrown the Juniors department. Up until a few short years ago, I continued to shop there, finding the clothes' cut best suited my taste. Slowly, however, I have begun to venture forth into other parts of the store. As of today, I have completely matured beyond it's boundaries.
I have also become a bit of a hypochondriac. Although,I can typically get my rationale mind to overpower that which wishes to freak out at every sudden pain. I am pretty sure that every twitch or ache I feel is either a bone-eating parasite or some other kind of horribly rare and fatal disease. Every headache is definitely a tumor and every cramp is always cancer.
The only thing my maturing age has apparently done for my mind-set, is make me scarily aware of my own mortality. So my mental health is on the verge of shot, lets check my physical status. Considering I had the twins about 6 months ago, and was virtually immobile for 9 months before that...well...lets just say there is still much to be desired.
But as I sit here, unable to finish my first cup of coffee - for the twins are loudly demanding their breakfast - and unable to watch my television program - for RayRay needs help with his letter to Santa - I am reminded that they are such blessings and....oh to hell with it...the only present I have this morning is in my daughter's diaper. Have a good day ya'll!
When did this happen?
My husband and I find ourselves saying that to one another quite often. Juggling one baby and then the other, each trying to pry his or her way from our arms, we can't help but look and ask "When did this happen?"
Of course we know when it happened. And how. Where is also understood. The why. Well the why was evading us for some time I will admit. The why and the how are both difficult to understand at first, because, wow, how is one to handle such an obstacle? But, once those little babies were in my arms both were immediately apparent. Having twins is both a blessing and an obstacle. But the hurdles are well worth the prize.
I think any mother of twins will admit, whether they are fraternal or paternal, that once arrived, she cannot imagine having one without the other. They are a pair. They compliment one another quite well. While my son is laid back, my daughter is quite the diva. Apparently, when the nurses wheeled her into the nursery from the delivery room the song "Wild Thing" was playing on the radio. My doctor, a woman with a very stern demeanor, but gentle in her own way, had to laugh. For while he had been born with no difficulties what-so-ever, my daughter had to born by emergency c-section. She was hiding. Perhaps seeing her brother suddenly vanish into the light scared her, because she jumped up underneath my ribs and would not come down.
They are now 6 months old, and she is still my needy one. She is much like her daddy in the fact that she wants to be constantly entertained. Seeing this now, I am so glad she has a brother to play with in the future. Their bond is already very strong. Every night when I check on them before I go to bed, they have scooted their way toward each other, until they are either holding hands, or leaning their heads together. I don't care who you are, that is precious.
The twins are not, however, the only light in my life. I also have another son, who will be turning 5 in only a couple of months. It's funny watching boys grow up. They hit these crazy growth spurts and before you know it, shoot up inches at a time. After the babies were born we cut his hair, which had always been long, into a neat little crew cut. I cried. And over night he grew up. He no longer looked like my baby boy, but like a full grown kid. He is the best little man a mom could ask for. Always polite and considerate, he loves his brother and sister so much and is such a great big brother. The dynamic is so nice right now, I know I need to soak it up and appreciate every last drop because I can already see the scene in 5 years.
Enter Oldest son: "Mom! GT won't quit bugging me!"
Enter Youngest son: "Mom! AK won't quit stealing my toys and RayRay won't let me play with him!"
Enter diva: "Mom! They're being mean to me!"
For now, he loves them. He gives them kisses on the cheek and they both light up when he enters the room. AK (my daughter) giggles and squeals when he dances for her, and GT (my youngest son) belly laughs when they play peek-a-boo. These moments are my saving grace when it later seems like they are ganging up on me. RayRay (my oldest son) will be asking me a million questions, while AK yells in defiance, and GT screams as he tries out his voice.
When my husband walks in the door at the end of the day it is such a blessing. I now truly have the greatest respect for single moms, because I would lose my frigging mind if I did not have that help at the end of the day. Although there are places in our relationship where we don't completely agree or go about things the same way, in parenting we are almost always on the same page. We have a rhythm that is smooth like clockwork, and we have learned from past mistakes, that when we need help, we just say so. Communication is key.
At the end of the day, when the babies have been fed, bathed, and are down for the count, we still stare at them in the crib. To have two is still surreal. It's one more than we ever counted on having, but a true blessing in disguise. I see big Christmas' in our future, peewee football, and piano recitals. I also see the scrapes and bruises, broken hearts, and things to be mended, but I'm looking forward to it.
When you're young it feels like you're forever waiting for it. Waiting for your life to start. This is it. This is your life. This moment, this day. And this, well, I've finally realized, this is my life.
Of course we know when it happened. And how. Where is also understood. The why. Well the why was evading us for some time I will admit. The why and the how are both difficult to understand at first, because, wow, how is one to handle such an obstacle? But, once those little babies were in my arms both were immediately apparent. Having twins is both a blessing and an obstacle. But the hurdles are well worth the prize.
I think any mother of twins will admit, whether they are fraternal or paternal, that once arrived, she cannot imagine having one without the other. They are a pair. They compliment one another quite well. While my son is laid back, my daughter is quite the diva. Apparently, when the nurses wheeled her into the nursery from the delivery room the song "Wild Thing" was playing on the radio. My doctor, a woman with a very stern demeanor, but gentle in her own way, had to laugh. For while he had been born with no difficulties what-so-ever, my daughter had to born by emergency c-section. She was hiding. Perhaps seeing her brother suddenly vanish into the light scared her, because she jumped up underneath my ribs and would not come down.
They are now 6 months old, and she is still my needy one. She is much like her daddy in the fact that she wants to be constantly entertained. Seeing this now, I am so glad she has a brother to play with in the future. Their bond is already very strong. Every night when I check on them before I go to bed, they have scooted their way toward each other, until they are either holding hands, or leaning their heads together. I don't care who you are, that is precious.
The twins are not, however, the only light in my life. I also have another son, who will be turning 5 in only a couple of months. It's funny watching boys grow up. They hit these crazy growth spurts and before you know it, shoot up inches at a time. After the babies were born we cut his hair, which had always been long, into a neat little crew cut. I cried. And over night he grew up. He no longer looked like my baby boy, but like a full grown kid. He is the best little man a mom could ask for. Always polite and considerate, he loves his brother and sister so much and is such a great big brother. The dynamic is so nice right now, I know I need to soak it up and appreciate every last drop because I can already see the scene in 5 years.
Enter Oldest son: "Mom! GT won't quit bugging me!"
Enter Youngest son: "Mom! AK won't quit stealing my toys and RayRay won't let me play with him!"
Enter diva: "Mom! They're being mean to me!"
For now, he loves them. He gives them kisses on the cheek and they both light up when he enters the room. AK (my daughter) giggles and squeals when he dances for her, and GT (my youngest son) belly laughs when they play peek-a-boo. These moments are my saving grace when it later seems like they are ganging up on me. RayRay (my oldest son) will be asking me a million questions, while AK yells in defiance, and GT screams as he tries out his voice.
When my husband walks in the door at the end of the day it is such a blessing. I now truly have the greatest respect for single moms, because I would lose my frigging mind if I did not have that help at the end of the day. Although there are places in our relationship where we don't completely agree or go about things the same way, in parenting we are almost always on the same page. We have a rhythm that is smooth like clockwork, and we have learned from past mistakes, that when we need help, we just say so. Communication is key.
At the end of the day, when the babies have been fed, bathed, and are down for the count, we still stare at them in the crib. To have two is still surreal. It's one more than we ever counted on having, but a true blessing in disguise. I see big Christmas' in our future, peewee football, and piano recitals. I also see the scrapes and bruises, broken hearts, and things to be mended, but I'm looking forward to it.
When you're young it feels like you're forever waiting for it. Waiting for your life to start. This is it. This is your life. This moment, this day. And this, well, I've finally realized, this is my life.
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